


The Lucky Number (24)

by littlesunshine



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Lucas is a very frustrated and sad bean in the beginning, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Strangers to Lovers, it will all get better soon - I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-01-23 22:17:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesunshine/pseuds/littlesunshine
Summary: "But after responding, there was still a (1) in the corner of his display. Who else would write him, except of his friends?He left the private chat with Yann to take a look at all his other contacts. But the message was from an unknown number."Or: Lucas gets messages from an unknown number and isn't sure if they actually met. But why is this person so nice and why does it feel like he can tell them everything?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and thanks for stepping by. This is my first fic in ages (like literally 4 years or so), but SKAM France inspired me to write again. I'll apologise in advance for my horrible English. It's not my main language but I tried my best!!!
> 
> I have a rough idea how the story will go, so let's hope there will be an update soonish?
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or say hi to me on my tumblr (@skamakatvgoals, however it's super unexciting over there)
> 
> All the love!!!

The sun was shining, birds were chirping and people were laughing outside, enjoying a lovely Sunday morning. Or was it noon already? Maybe even afternoon?

Lucas had no clue what time it was. For all he knew, it might not even be Sunday.

A tired groan left his mouth as he was stretching his limbs, trying to wake up a bit more. When he finally opened his eyes, he couldn’t suppress another helpless groan. _Why was the sun so bright? And why was it shining directly on his face?_

Suddenly, Lucas was regretting all his live choices that led to him getting this massive hangover. Last night, when he and his friends decided to go to this party that one of Yanns study partners was throwing at his flat, it all seemed like a good idea. It still felt like a good idea, when Lucas was winning the beer pong tournament and decides to celebrate it with a bottle of vodka. But now, with the biggest headache anyone could ever experience, he wasn’t so sure about some decisions that he made last night.

Lucas could hear some more laughing, this time coming from the kitchen of his own flat. If felt so surreal that there were people who didn’t feel like shit right now. How unfair. He wanted some of the good spirit, his flatmate Mika seed to be having, even though Lucas was fairly sure, that Mika went out last night as well.

Another groan, another stretch but Lucas still didn’t feel like getting up. With closed eyes he moved his hands up and down his mattress, trying to find his phone. _Not on his left, not on his right. Where the hell did he put that stupid thing last night?_ Slowly, he tried to turn around in his bed without feeling too dizzy. With half opened eyes, he scanned his room and there it was: lying on the floor, directly under his chair where apparently he did drop his jeans when he came home in the early morning hours. No matter how strong he wished for his phone to fly towards him, it didn’t move and so, with yet another groan, Lucas finally got off his bed.

Every step felt like torture and especially bending down to pick up the phone made him feel like throwing up any second. Defeated by his hangover, Lucas had no choice but to lie down next to where is phone was lying, trying to regain some of his strength so he could move back to his bed.

_That’s what you get for being too dependent on your phone_ , he thought, while taking a big breath of air and focusing on anything but his dizziness. After a few minutes, Lucas slowly felt better and dared to take a look at his phone: 11:32 a.m. (not too late than), 23 messages (most of them in the group chat with the boys from this morning – apparently everyone was experiencing similar symptoms than Lucas was – but also a few private ones from Yann, asking him if he came home alright) and 103 new pictures (definitely too embarrassing to look at right now).

Lucas responded with the thumbs up emoji in the group chat as a sign that he was still alive and quickly typed out an answer to Yann.

**Lucas (11:33 a.m.)** : _‘yes, thanks for asking, even made it into bed and all. Hope you’re feeling better than I do.’_

But after responding, there was still a **(1)** in the corner of his display. _Who else would write him, except of his friends?_ He left the private chat with Yann to take a look at all his other contacts. But the message was from an unknown number.

**Unknown Number (03:37 a.m.)** : _‘hey, hope it’s okay that I write you so quickly but I’m still drunk and super bored on my bus ride back home so I just thought: fuck it, who cares if it comes off as needy, my sober self can deal with the embarrassment tomorrow. Hope you made it home safe, I liked our talk <3\. E.’_

And like: _wait what? E.? Talk? The little heart? Who is this and what talk are we talking about?_

Lucas was having a big hangover, yes. But he thought he did remember the evening, at least most of it, the important parts. And meeting someone, no matter how interests Lucas would actually be in the girl, seemed like something he would remember. Should remember, even!

Kind of forgetting his hangover ( _was that even a thing?_ ) Lucas sat up from where he was still lying on the floor. He leant against the chair with his smelly jeans still hanging over it and tried to think about the night before. The smell of alcohol actually helped a bit. It brought back some more memories but none of Lucas talking to a girl he just met.

_E. who are you?_ No matter how strongly he tried to concentrate, nothing came up.

Suddenly, he remembered the 100+ new photos. If Lucas met someone and they talked long enough for them to exchange numbers (or apparently only Lucas exchanging his number), Lucas new his friends well enough for them to take pictures of the two for teasing purposes.

He went through the pictures one, two, three times but never found one that could give any indication of who this mysterious E. could be. And that’s when Lucas started to freak out. _Who was this? What if it’s a stalker? There are some pretty wired girls out there..?_  One could say his hangover brain went a bit overboard with its thoughts.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself. _In and out, in and out. Don’t freak out to soon!_

Another look on the picture that was still open on his phone made him pause. It was a picture of his friends and him. Yann and Basil where grinning brightly into the camera, Arthur was making a fake pouty face while Lucas was wearing his glasses. But it was not them that were catching Lucas eyes. It was two boys in the far back, just talking. It was pure coincidence that they happen to be on this picture, not related to their evening at all but only then did Lucas realise that E. could also be a boy…

The thought of him liking boys is nothing new for Lucas. It was something that had been on in his mind for quite some time now. It was also nothing he was necessary embarrassed about. It was just that so far, there hadn’t been a good moment to talk to someone about it. Not because he thought his friends wouldn’t be accepting of it, but more so because he didn’t know how to approach the subject. His friends new him as Lucas, the guy who could charm all the girls if he wanted to and suddenly telling them, that this Lucas might not actually be the real one was just difficult for him to explain.

Since he started university last fall, he lay down the whole ‘flirting with a different girl every time’ persona, because it didn’t feel right anymore to do so. His friends definitely noticed the change and sometimes asked him about it but he wasn’t ready to tell them the reason just yet.

He sometimes wondered if he should talk to Mika first. Maybe it would be easier to tell someone who knew what it was like to come out. But then again, that also didn’t feel right. So as of now he came to the conclusion, that he just wasn’t ready yet and would tell his friends when he felt like it was the time and place.

Which is why realising that E. could also be a boy made Lucas super nervous. Again, it was not because he would be embarrassed about it. But drunk talking and maybe even making out with a guy in front of his friends, just because he was less nervous about it then, wasn’t the way he would want to come out to his friends.

He started to panic again. Another few deep breaths were due. _In and out, in and out, in and out. Relax Lucas, all E. talked about in his message was ‘talking’. No need to think that you two actually made out. Just relax for a second._

Thankfully it was in that moment, that Yann decided to answer and Lucas took the little distraction with pleasure.

**Yann (11:46 a.m.)** : _‘haha, good to know. Feeling like shit but the way you looked last night, I should still be better off than you. Great party though, we should do this more often. With all four of us studying different things, I feel like we hardly see each other anymore…’_

**Lucas (11:47 a.m.)** : _‘missing the golden school days? Wish I could say the same about last night, but truth be told, I do have some blackouts and can hardly remember what happens...’_

**Yann (11:47 a.m.)** : _‘no surprise there. But another reason to do it again soon, so next time you can actually remember the party and the hot girls you made out with!!!’_

So much for the little distraction…

_Hot girls he made out with. Girls? As in plural? What the hell happed last night? And how should one respond to that?_ Lucas really didn’t recognise himself in all of that.

Lucas also wasn’t sure, if he should be happy about E. apparently being a girl? This whole thing was going in the wrong direction on all kinds of levels.

Still, Lucas tried to stay calm and was just about to answer, when another message from Yann came through.

**Yann (11:49 a.m.)** : _‘sorry, did I shock you there? No worries, you didn’t make out with anyone. We know random hook-ups are not your thing anymore.’_

_So no hook-ups with anyone? But what about E.?_ Lucas was getting more and more confused about the whole party.

**Lucas (11:50 a.m.)** : _‘funny, I’ll laugh later. Would you be so kind and tell me what actually happened?’_

**Yann (11:51 a.m.)** : _‘nothing special. We had a laugh, just the four of us having a good time. You were super cuddly at some point and would not leave our side. Trust me, we would know, if you did something naughty.’_

**Lucas (11:51 a.m.)** : _‘hope I wasn’t too much?’_

**Yann (11:52 a.m.)** : _‘nah, it’s all good. Everyone has those evenings sometimes. Next time it’s your turn to take care of one of us.’_

**Lucas (11:52 a.m.)** : _‘that’s what friends are for, I’ll even hold up your hair and all :P’_

**Yann (11:53 a.m.)** : _‘hopefully there will be no need for that, but still nice to know that you would do that :)’_

And with that, Lucas could finally breathe again. Everything was good with his friends, and who every this mysterious E. was, he didn’t came out to his friends as a drunken accident.

The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like the message from E. to Lucas was a mistake on E.’s part. Apparently Lucas was super drunk and in that cuddly mood, where you wouldn’t leave your friends. He just couldn’t have met anyone. Pure E. must have gotten the wrong number or something.

Lucas wasn’t sure what to do. Should he answer E. and tell them, that they got the wrong number?  If Lucas wouldn’t answer, E. would think they got ghosted. But maybe someone gave them the wrong number on purpose? But then again, maybe the numbers just got mixed up and if Lucas would tell E. that they got the wrong number, than they at least had the chance to try and get the right one. And with his mind set, he typed out a little response to E.:

**Lucas (11:58 a.m.)** : _‘Hey. Really sorry to tell you, but apparently you got the numbers mixed up. I’m pretty sure I’m not the one you talked to yesterday…’_


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And hear goes the second part; even a lot sooner than I thought. But it's just me trying to procrastinate while also feeling like I'm doing something useful. Not sure when the next part will be up, though, because I can't hide from my uni work forever.
> 
> Hope you like it anyway but as always, English is not my native languages so please keep that in mind.

Later that very same Sunday, after sleeping for a few more hours, Lucas finally felt able to properly get up and out of bed. It was mainly his stomach, which gave him mixed signals between still feeling sick due to too much alcohol the night before but also feeling sick because he was kind of hungry.

After tossing and turning around for a few more minutes, not really feeling like getting out of his cosy bubble also known as his bed, Lucas finally pushed his blanket aside, grabbed the closest jogging bottoms he could find and made his way towards the kitchen.

He was happy to find the room empty, not really feeling like having any kind of company. Truth be told, he enjoyed the quite of the flat and probably wouldn’t mind spending the whole day on his own.

A quick glance into the fridge and his cupboard made him realise, that there wasn’t much food options to choose from. _Damn, I really need to go food shopping tomorrow_ , he thinks, before grabbing some random cereal he found at the very back of one of the kitchen shelfs and stealing some of Lisa’s milk form her part of the fridge.

With his big bowl of cereal, he walked into the living room and made himself comfortable on the couch. Turning on the TV, Lucas tried to find anything interesting to watch. Maybe it was the timing or just his mood but he just couldn’t find anything that caught his attention long enouth and so he turned off the TV after just a few minutes.

 _What a useless day._ Luckily it was just the beginning of the semester, so Lucas got away with telling himself that there wasn’t much to be done for any of his university courses as of yet. Instead he kind of zoned for a second, just staring into his bowl and letting his mind wander off for a bit.

His thoughts jumped from one random topic to another until he suddenly remembered E. and their message. Lucas hadn’t received any answer to his response. _Why would he, though?_ It wasn’t him that E. wanted to talk to. _It was all just a misunderstanding._

Still, Lucas couldn’t help but wonder what E. might have felt, when they read the message. _Hurt? Embarrassed?_ Or maybe they were the kind of person who wouldn’t care too much and just go and meet the next person at the next party?

 _What kind of person could this mysterious E. be?_ , he began to wonder. And why the heck was Lucas so interested in them and their feelings?

It probably was this little voice in his head, asking him if he really was sure that he didn’t meet anyone new the night before. How could he be so certain, if there were quite a few blank spaces in his memory of last night? Sure, Yann said that Lucas didn’t leave their side but surly his friends weren’t with him all the time. _What if we met on the toilet or while I got something new to drink?_ His friends might not have been as drunk as Lucas was, but surely they weren’t as sober as to remember every little detail.

Or maybe it was just Lucas feeling bad for E. They might have actually really liked that person they talked to last night and took a big chance and a little bit of convincing from their drunken brain, to write this message during the night. Expressing their interest to the other person in hope of meeting again, only to receive an answer from a stranger who tells them they might have the wrong number.

_What a sad story this would be…_

Lucas could only hope that E. would somehow find the right person again. Maybe they would meet at the next party so E. could explain the situation about the wrong number. And then they could laugh about it and pick up their relationship where they left it after their talk from last night.

 _What an amazing talk this must have been._ Lucas was confused by the sudden jealousy he felt towards two unknown people who only met last night but might be having their biggest love story ahead of them.

Because there he was: still all alone, not 100% sure if he liked boys but also unable to talk to anyone about it. He wanted to have someone as well, someone that he could write _‘I liked our talk <3’_ to. Someone that will listen and help and understand.

Lucas wasn’t even sure why he felt so alone in this situation, but somehow the thought of expressing his thoughts and feelings to a total stranger seemed much more appealing than talking to one of his friends.

Should he write this E.? It did seem like they were a good listener, or at least someone who liked to talk…

 _But whoa, wait a minute!_ His brain seemed to still be under some influences of last night’s alcohol. _Was he really thinking about writing this random person?_ But somehow, kind of without really realising that he did it, Lucas reached for his phone and opened up the chat with ‘ **unknown number** ’.

He read his text form earlier again: _‘Hey. Really sorry to tell you, but apparently you got the numbers mixed up. I’m pretty sure I’m not the one you talked to yesterday…’_

 _Was he really sure though?_ His fingers hovered over the touchpad while he was trying to think of a way how to start this conversation.

 _‘Sorry to bother you…’_ , he wrote but deleted it right away. _‘This might sound wired, but…’,_ he tried to type out again, only to leave the sentence unfinished as well. _But what? We don’t know each other but maybe we could be pen pals? Lucas, come on, what exactly were you trying to write?_

He threw is phone away like it was suddenly burning his hand. He once again needed to remember that he didn’t know this guy. Who said E. would actually be understanding towards his inner gay crisis? They could be a total asshole who were only nice in this message to get the other person to sleep with them next time they will meet…

Lucas needed to stop thinking about this E. person. He just got more and more confused, the more he thought about them. It was stupid anyway to get so fixated by an unknown person.

And with that, Lucas got up from the sofa, took his hardly touched bowl of cereal, which was a soggy mess by now anyway, and put it in the sink of the kitchen. He decided some fresh air would be a good idea for him and his over the top thoughts right now, before putting on his jacked and taking his keys from his room.

On his way out, Lucas paused in front of the entrance door of the flat opposite of theirs. _Maybe Manon was home?_ , he thought. _Some company for more distraction might be helpful as well._

He rang the bell to Manon’s flat and only needed to wait for a few seconds before the door swung open.

“Lucas, hey?”, asked Manon, eyebrows raises and a slightly confused look on her face. “Did I forget that we wanted to meet?”

Lucas shook his head. “No worries, you didn’t forget anything. I was just about to leave to grab something to eat and wanted to ask you if you want to join?”

This answered didn’t seem to satisfy Manon as she raised her eyebrow even hire, making them disappear behind her fringe. It seemed like she was about to ask another question but then, with a little shake of her head, she decided to let it drop. She went back inside the flat for a few seconds to put on her shoes and a coat before closing the door behind her. “What kind of food did you have in mind?”

*****

They decided to go to a coffee shop near by their apartment complex, both grapping a bagel to go, before sitting down on a bench in a small park. The sun was still shining brightly on this wonderful early spring afternoon. Lucas closed his eyes and titled his head up towards the sun, soaking in all the warmth that he could get. Manon sat next to him, seemingly enjoying the peaceful quietness as well.

Lucas knew that his behaviour was unusual for him. It was out of his character to just randomly knock at Manon’s door and to then ask her out to eat some bagels on a random park bench. He knew that this wasn’t like him. And he knew that Manon did know that as well.

He had no clue as to why he suddenly wanted some company. Only an hour ago he was relived to have the flat all to himself, feeling like keeping up a conversation was just too much. But then again, he didn’t feel like talking now either. It was this silent company that he was craving, when he knocked on that door. _Why is this hangover making me so sentimental?_

Lucas could feel Manon’s eyes on him from time to time, but decided to ignore her. He was close to her, counted her as one of his best friends. It was Manon who gave up her room in the flat share when she heard that Lucas needed somewhere to stay. Her parents had a lot more money than his and could easily afford to pay for a flat of her own. So when Manon found out, that a single apartment in their house was free, she didn’t even think twice before offering her old room to Lucas and moving out into the more expansive flat.

He knew, he could trust her but just like with everybody else in his life, he just didn’t feel like talking. Didn’t know how…

Instead he decided to say: “Sorry for my boring company. Especially as it was me who ask you to come… But you know how it is: hangover days are the worst.”

Manon didn’t answer. She probably knew that Lucas wasn’t telling her the whole truth; she was just clever like that. Or maybe she just knew Lucas well enough. Either way, she accepted the situation as it was right now and Lucas was grateful that she wasn’t pushing the conversation any further.

And so the two went back to eating their bagels in silence before making their way back to the apartment complex.

Before separating in their respective flats, Lucas felt like kind of explaining himself. “You know?” he turned around to look directly into her eyes. “I wasn’t really feeling hungry. It was more about getting some fresh air. Trying to not go stir-crazy in this flat?” He tried to laugh at the last part but Manon could see right through him again.

But, selfless as she was, Manon just hugged him and said “Any time, Lucas. You know where to find me.” With one last look, that said so much more than Lucas was ready to think about right now, she turned around and closed the door behind her – this time from the inside of her flat.

Demoulded, Lucas stared at the closed door for a few more seconds, before turning around and walking into his own flat as well.

Once he closed the door behind himself, he could hear voices coming from the living room. “Lucas, is that you?”, he heard Mika call. _And please no!_ Lucas didn’t feel like being scolded for not washing the cereal bowl earlier or some shit like that and so he just walked straight into his room, without replying to Mika.

His room was a mess, cloth flying around everywhere, but Lucas couldn’t be bothered to clean. He only pushed a few things aside to have a bit more room before lying down on his bed again.

_Oh how he missed this comfortable place!_

But his happiness was short-lived. Being alone reminded him about how trapped he felt and how much he wanted to talk to someone. Funny how, once he wasn’t alone anymore, he wasn’t able talk and desperately wanted to be alone again. _What a cursed cycle he got himself into…_

Suddenly Lucas thought about E. again. No matter how hard he tried, the temptation of talking to a total stranger was always at the back of his mind. He began to understand the appeal of talking to someone anonymous.

 _Will I ever make up my mind about whether or not I should write E. again?_ , he thought while staring at his ceiling. And then his phone vibrated in the pocked of his trousers. Like he was stung by a bee, Lucas sat up straight in his bed while trying to fiddle his phone out of his pocket with shaky fingers.

 **Unknown Number (05:16 p.m.)** : _‘haha sorry, drunken mistake… ups? I mixed up the last two digits and typed 24 while the actual number finished with a 42. Happens to the best of us, right? E.’_

_Okay, apparently someone else came to a decision for him…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks if you're still reading this, haha. I hope you enjoyed this chaos I try to call a fic? And as always, feel free to write a comment or say hi to me on my tumbler @skamakatvgoals!
> 
> All the love :)


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part three is here, yippee! And in this one, the story finally starts to actually pick up. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it :)
> 
> WARNING: this chapter has some pretty bad Dad Jokes. Let's face it; I'm the lame dad, trapped in the body of a 25 year old woman.

Taken by surprise, Lucas had to read the message again.

 **Unknown Number (05:16 p.m.)** : _‘haha sorry, drunken mistake… ups? I mixed up the last two digits and typed 24 while the actual number finished with a 42. Happens to the best of us, right?_

E. did answer him? They actually did answer? Lucas couldn’t believe it. He also wasn’t sure what to make of it. What was he supposed to do now?

His mind went blank, his body unable to move. _Why was this person getting under Lucas skin so quickly?_

Tentatively, Lucas fingers hovered over the chat, contemplating what to do next, when suddenly a bubble with three dots appeared. _E. was tipping another message?_

Three points disappeared. Three points appeared. Three points disappeared again.

 _WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_ , Lucas wanted to scream at his phone, when the bubble with the three points reappeared for a third time. This time it didn’t disappear straight away and Lucas couldn’t help but to intently look at these three dots on his phone, wishing for them to turn in an actual sentence.

15 seconds, 20 seconds… _Was E. writing a novel?_ But then the bubble disappeared yet again.

“Seriously!”, this time Lucas actually said it out lout, starting to feel frustrated but also slightly flattered. E. didn’t seem to know what to do either.

Suddenly, all his uncertainty about whether to answer or not were gone as he quickly typed out his reply.

 **Lucas (05:19 p.m.)** : _‘you do realise that I can see you typing?’_

As soon as he pressed send, Lucas regretted his impulsive action. _Did this message come off as rude?_ He was contemplating to follow his text with a *gif to show the teasing in his words, when another reply came through.

 **Unknown Number (05:19 p.m.)** : _‘stalking me already? That’s a bit chelou, no? :P’_

And okay, apparently E. could give as good as he got. But Lucas was not one to say no to a bit of healthy banter.

 **Lucas (05:20 p.m.)** : _‘Chelou? Me? You are the one who just gave away a phone number to a total stranger. For all you know, I could be a serial killer… All I have to do is switch up the last to digits of my number, et voilà!’_

This time he actually added a [*gif](https://i0.wp.com/www.recreoviral.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Ladrones-tontos-4.gif?ssl=1%22%20rel=%22nofollow%22%3Ehttps://i0.wp.com/www.recreoviral.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Ladrones-tontos-4.gif?ssl=1).

E. took a few minutes to answer this time around, seemingly contemplating what to answer next.

 **Unknown Number (05:23 p.m.)** : _‘maybe that was my plan? Getting rid of the other person without making my own hands dirty? Ever thought of that? *[gif](https://i.giphy.com/media/3oJpxZuh1KoZiVtskg/giphy.webp)’_

Another text followed straight after.

 **Unknown Number (05:23 p.m.)** : _‘Seriously though, please tell me you’re not a serial killer…?’_

 **Lucas (05:24 p.m.)** : _‘[*gif](https://media.tenor.com/images/96d0c822942da6626a9c10d1114a4e35/tenor.gif)’_

 _Stop with these lame *gif’s!_ , a voice in his head, that suspiciously sounded like Yann, told him off.

But sometimes, communicating though random jokes were the only way for Lucas. Whenever he didn’t know what do, how to react or what to say, it was his instinct to make jokes. Trying to ease off the tension and making fun of the situation.

This time however, even though he was still kind of nervous about the whole texting-with-a-stranger-situation (because seriously, stranger danger was an actual thing), Lucas felt super comfortable with E. and decided to give him a little bit more than some lame jokes.

 **Lucas (05:25 p.m.)** : _‘I’m L. btw’_

*****

 _Classes on a Monday morning should be illegal_ , Lucas thought, as he walked across campus, making his way towards the lecture building of his biology course. The fact that the weather today was a complete opposite of the day before didn’t help his motivation either. _Felt fitting though_ , he reasoned as big raindrops were purring down on him while he only had his hoodie to protect him from the water. _Better check the weather before leaving the house next time…_

But Lucas knew that the reason for his bad mood weren’t just the early Monday morning and the bad weather. The main reason was the sudden silence on his conversation with E.

He knew that feeling so disappointed about the stop to a conversation that had barely even really started yet was a bit overdramatic. A conversation with a stranger at that. But still, Lucas couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the fact, that he never received an answer to his last message.

He was about to once again check is phone for any new text that maybe finally would have come through, when he heard someone calling his name.

“Lucas. Lucas hey, wait up!”

Lucas didn’t need to turn around to see who had called out for him. It was Imane, the only other sad soul of his friends group who had to get up this early on a monday Monday as well.

Funny how involuntarily being grouped up as lap partners in high school apparently made them lap partners for life. Even though they were studying different main subject at university (with Imane studying oncology and Lucas studying molecular biology), they still had a few basic classes in common as they were studying similar subjects.

Once she had caught up to him, Imane gave his soaked cloth a once over before silently offering Lucas some space under her umbrella. Then they continued their walk to the lecture hall in more silence but that wasn’t unusual for them.

They were close, no questions asked. Only a few weeks into being forced to be lap partners, their relationship definitely had turned into a very good friendship. It just always had been a pretty quiet one. When they talked, they talked about important stuff, meaningful things. As a consequence however, that meant were other people would have chit chat small talks, Lucas and Imane would rather enjoyed their company in silence. And Lucas really, really adored her for that same quality. Especially because he knew that whenever they needed each other’s back or had to stand up for each other, they would.

Which was probably why, after a few more minutes of walking, Imane suddenly asked: “What’s the matter with your mood today?”

“Nothing.”, Lucas murmured. “Early morning lectures. You know what it’s like. Not very mood-lifting if you didn’t sleep much during the weekend.”

Just like Manon did the day before, Imane only raised her eyebrows at him, seemingly unconvinced. But she as well, let the topic trop for the time being since they had just reached the lecture hall anyway.

Lucas let out a breath, he hadn’t realised that he was holding in. He could only hope, these two wouldn’t start talking about him behind his back but for all he knew, they probably did already.

*****

It happened later that day when Lucas wasn’t expecting it to happen anymore. He reached the point of thinking he wouldn’t ever receive a response for his last text hours ago. So when his phone suddenly went off while he was preparing his dinner, he wasn’t even wondering if it could be a text from E. when he checked his phone.

 **Unknown Number (06:42 p.m.)** : _‘sorry that it took me some time to response. I was just wondering, isn’t it dangerous what we are doing? Writing to a total stranger?’_

 _Yes, for sure!_ , Lucas thought. That was what he was thinking from the very beginning. But still; he couldn’t help this invisible pull towards his phone, whenever he thought about their conversation. That instant connection he felt ever since the first accidental text from them.

 **Lucas (06:42 p.m.)** : _‘what made you write me after all?’_

 **Unknown Number (06:43 p.m.)** : _‘don’t know… I just can’t not; you know?’_

 **Lucas (06:43 p.m.)** : _‘yeah, I know…’_

And Lucas really did know. But still, they hardly knew each other and literally only exchanged like 5 text messages or so. It was nice to know, that E. was feeling the same about their conversation, however.

*****

That Monday evening, E. and Lucas ended up writing a bit more.

They confessed to each other, how much they liked talking to an anonymous person. How it made them feel like they could be honest all the time and be their true self. No worries about being judged the wrong way or being judged at all. Which is why they promised each other to be their secret support system, whenever they needed to talk to someone. No matter the subject.

They also established some ground rules. For the time being, they wouldn’t exchange their full name, gender, where they lived (not even the city) or any further private details. It should stay as anonymous as possible.

They only had to prove their age to each other. _‘To make sure you are not an old creepy pervert’_ , E. had written. And so they had sent each other a photo of their ID, with everything covert but their date of birth. They each even had to put a carrot next to their ID to prove that it was a photo they really had taken in that exact moment.

Was it wise to protect each other by keeping everything important and personal a secret? Only the future could tell that!

Still, Lucas did find out a few more thinks about E. They were a 21 year old student in their second year of university. They loved to draw ( _‘you’re probably an art student, right?’_ ), lived with their best friend in a small flat and couldn’t cook to save their life.

The subject of cooking had come up, when suddenly Lucas could smell something burning, only to realise then, that he had totally forgot about his dinner which had still been cooking on the stove.

This night, when Lucas was lying in his bed, it felt like a big weight had been lifted of his chest. He even fell asleep with a little smile on his face.

*****

On Wednesday, Lucas was having lunch with Yann. It was kind of their tradition: Kebab-Wednesday. Something they started in school, as Wednesdays had been their short day where they had the afternoon off. With the best kebab place in the city only a few streets away from their school, that was where they usually went for lunch on these days.

Of course, since they had started university, these Kebab-lunches had become a lot less frequently, with both of them now having totally different time tables. But they still tried to make it possible as often as they could.

As usual, they took the kebab to take out and went for a hunt of a good spot to sit down. Now, with the weather getting better and warmer again, the search for a good place to sit down got harder and harder with every week – just too many people to fight against.

But luckily, the two knew some hidden places, were no tourist would ever go and finally sat down on a small wall with a lovely view of the river after only a few minutes of walking.

They did a little bit of small talk. Yann complaining about a group project at university, where he apparently got grouped up into some idiots, while Lucas tried to explain a lap experiment, that he got assigned to on Monday but luckily still had a few weeks to finish.

“Ahh, so no reason for you to skip on us on Friday?”, Yann asked.

“What’s happening Friday?” Lucas didn’t remember that they had made any plans.

“Didn’t you read Arthurs text in our group chat?”

Lucas shook his head. Apparently he was a bit too occupied by texting with a certain other someone.

“He asked if we wanted to come by on Friday. Food, beer and FIFA at Arthurs and Basils place. Just a chilled evening.” Yann added the last sentence in a tone that made Lucas feel uneasy. Like it was already a compromise towards Lucas. He said it as if the other boys would much rather go out properly but knew they had to do something more laid down for Lucas to come along, too.

What did Lucas do, that made him so predictable? _Well, maybe the fact that you going out last weekend was a first in many month?_ , a teasing voice in his head snarled at him. Maybe his change from being the life of every party who got all the girls wrapped around his finger to a boring old grandpa who much rather stayed at home in his bed had happed a bit more abrupt than he thought it did…

Yann was still looking at him, waiting for his answer.

“Yes sure, I’m in.”, Lucas replied, more so because he felt like he had to than him actually wanting to come.

*****

Lucas arrived at Arthurs and Basils flat at ten past seven, a couple of beers in his rucksack as well as a few snacks.

They ordered some pizza, drank some beer and started to play FIFA. Even though, Lucas had been really unmotivated to come today, once he was there, he really enjoyed the time with his friends. The more they drank, the worth they got at playing but the more fun they had. Laughing at but also with each other.

At some point, when it was Yanns and Basils turn to play, Lucas sad down on an armchair that wasn’t facing the TV and therefore was still unoccupied.

For the first time that night, Lucas took a look at his phone. He had one message from E. from only a few minutes ago. It was actually a picture of what seemed to be the worst omelette ever.

 **Unknown Number (09:09 p.m.)** : _‘look at my sad excuse of a dinner.’_

Lucas needed to stifle a laugh.

 **Lucas (09:16 p.m.)** : _‘That really is sad to look at. Stick to take out food. Like pizza. That’s what I’m having tonight.’_

 **Unknown Number (09:16 p.m.)** : _‘I’m a poor student. Can’t afford take out every night. But apparently you can? Lend me some money, then!’_

 **Lucas (09:17 p.m.)** : _‘HAHA, I wish. I’m out with my friends, that’s why.  But you should really consider starting a go found me page. If you add some pictures of your cooking, I’m sure people will donate.’_

 **Unknown Number (09:18 p.m.)** : _‘charming as ever, I can see. Better go back to your friends if all you do is teasing me.’_

 **Lucas (09:18 p.m.)** : _‘aww, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings :p’_

 **Unknown Number (09:18 p.m.)** : _‘no harm done. Go back to your friends anyway, enjoy your evening :)’_

 **Lucas (09:18 p.m.)** : _‘you too!’_

Lucas quickly clicked ‘SEND’ before joining is friends. It was finally his turn again to play FIFA.

*****

It wasn’t until a few hours later and with a bit more alcohol in Lucas system that he decided to text E. again.

He took a picture of his friends playing some random drinking game, obviously without showing any of their faces, before sending it. The response came straight away.

 **Unknown Number (11:03 p.m.)** : _‘still enjoying the night, I can see? Hope you’re having a good time!’_

 _Was he, though?_ At the beginning of the night, he really had enjoyed the time and company spent with his friends. The more he drank, the more melancholy he had become, however, and now he was at this point, where he was back at the armchair that stood a bit to the side in the living room. Watching his friends from afar rather than really engaging with them anymore.

His friends were either too drunk to notice or too drunk to care. Lucas didn’t know. He still responded on a happier note.

 **Lucas (11:03 p.m.)** : ‘Yes, drinking with my friends like we are back at school!’

Lucas looked at his answer for a few seconds before deciding to send another text. One that showed a bit more of his true feelings.

 **Lucas (11:04 p.m.)** : _‘My friends say that like we finished school years ago but we only started university last fall. Shouldn’t now be the time to enjoy our youth… we are too young to already cry about the past…’_

It took E. a bit to reply so Lucas used the time to excuse himself to the bathroom. Once he closed the door behind himself and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, his phone vibrated with a new message.

 **Unknown Number (11:07 p.m.)** : _‘Wow, you are one of those, who start to have deep thoughts while being drunk, yes?’_

 **Lucas (11:07 p.m.)** : _‘sorry, don’t want to bore you with my drunken thoughts. You surely have better things to do on your Friday night!’_

 **Unknown Number (11:07 p.m.)** : _‘All good, I’m enjoying the little break from my work :)’_

 **Lucas (11:08 p.m.)** : _‘Work? Please tell me you’re working the night shift at a coffee shop. A walking cliché, are we? Art student who actually works at a hipster coffee shop?’_

 **Unknown Number (11:08 p.m.)** : _‘You are the one, who turns me into a cliché. I never even confirmed that I’m studding art.’_

 **Lucas (11:08 p.m.)** : ‘But you are working at a coffee shop?’

 **Unknown Number (11:08 p.m.)** : _‘…’_

 **Lucas (11:08 p.m.)** : _‘???’_

 **Unknown Number (11:08 p.m.)** : _‘Yes…’_

 **Lucas (11:08 p.m.)** : _‘hahaha, I just knew it!’_

 **Unknown Number (11:09 p.m.)** : _‘But you’re also wrong. I’m not working the night shift right now. I actually meant work for university. I’m not even sure if night shifts at a coffee shop are an actual thing. At least the one I work at closes at nine.’_

 **Lucas (11:09 p.m.)** : _‘still a cliché, though :p’_

 **Unknown Number (11:10 p.m.)** : _‘Okay; enough about me. Let’s go back to you and your friends!’_

 **Lucas (11:10 p.m.)** : _‘Spoil sport, ruining my good mood like that…’_

Lucas had nearly forgotten about his friends, who were just a few meters away but felt so far gone. Not like they were just in the room next door.

 **Unknown Number (11:12 p.m.)** : _‘Hey, why are you talking like that? Your friends must literally sit right beside you? Bad enough that you aren’t talking to them…’_

 **Lucas (11:12 p.m.)** : _‘They are busy anyway’_

 **Unknown Number (11:13 p.m.)** : _‘Don’t say thinks like that. It seemed like you were having a good time earlier?’_

 **Lucas (11:13 p.m.)** : _‘Sure did. But ever since we started university, our group dynamic has changed’_

 _Manly because of me_ , but Lucas didn’t add that part.

 **Unknown Number (11:14 p.m.)** : _‘Don’t worry, that’s normal. I’m sure you can make it work anyway!’_

 **Lucas (11:14 p.m.)** : _‘What do you mean?’_

 **Unknown Number (11:16 p.m.)** : _‘Well... if you meet new people and don’t see the old friends every day anymore like you used to, that can actually affect a friendship. Sometimes you have to put a bit more effort into it than you might realise at first…’_

 **Lucas (11:17 p.m.)** : _‘You sound like my best friend. He is always saying that we need to see each other more but I feel like we see us loads? I don’t think that’s the actual problem…’_

 **Unknown Number (11:18 p.m.)** : _‘Ever thought about, that it might be thanks to your friend, that you see each other so much? But it can also be very tiring, if only one side puts in all the effort :/’_

Lucas couldn’t belief what he was reading. Every sentence that E. was writing did really hurt him. That’s not at all what he wanted to hear. But maybe it did hurt so much, because it was the truth?

 **Lucas (11:19 p.m.)** : _‘You make me sound like I’m a bad friend to them…’_

 **Unknown Number (11:20 p.m.)** : _‘No please, that’s not my intention. I’m sure you don’t mean it in a bad way. I’m not even sure if I got your situation right. I’m only trying to tell you what could be happening, according to my own experience…’_

Lucas stood up from where he was still sitting on the edge of the bathtub and took a look at himself in the mirror above the sink. He did recognise himself from the outside. He could clearly see himself in the mirror. But how come, that from the inside, from his thoughts and his behaviour, he couldn’t recognise himself at all anymore?

 **Lucas (11:21 p.m.)** : _‘Yes, sorry. You might actually be on to something.’_

 **Unknown Number (11:22 p.m.)** : _‘Still sorry if I made you feel bad. Remember, I don’t know the whole story, but maybe I gave you the push to talk to someone who does?’_

 **Lucas (11:22 p.m.)** : _‘Yeah, hopefully!’_

*****

After that, Lucas stayed in the bathroom for a few more minutes before joining his friends in the living room again.

Even though it was a pretty heavy talk, Lucas felt a lot lighter. Once again the talk with E. actually lifted off another weight from his shoulders. Maybe these little pushes was what he needed to slowly become his old self again.

On the back of his mind, he knew tonight wasn’t the night, but maybe the talk with E. prepared Lucas a bit to at least open up in the future. When the boys and he weren’t drunk and his mind was a bit clearer about the whole situation.

Still, he was even able to properly join his friends in their drinking game and let the night end on a good note for all of them.

*****

It wasn’t until the early morning hours, when Lucas was back home and lying in his bed that he picked up his phone again. Later, Lucas couldn’t remember what it was. An exciting rush, sleepiness or maybe just the alcohol, but for some reason he ended up texting E. a few messages in a row.

 **Lucas (03:37 a.m.)** : _‘Knew from the start that you’d be a good person to talk to’_

 **Lucas (03:37 a.m.)** : _‘thanks again for tonight!’_

 **Lucas (03:37 a.m.)** : _‘you are like my anonymous mentor’_

 **Lucas (03:38 a.m.)** : _‘I feel like I can tell you everything’_

 **Lucas (03:38 a.m.)** : _‘even things I’m not ready to tell my best friends yet’_

 **Lucas (03:38 a.m.)** : _‘and you help me be able to talk to them about it in the future’_

 **Lucas (03:38 a.m.)** : _‘you help me to want to talk about it!’_

 **Lucas (03:39 a.m.)** : _‘like with the situation with my friends tonight!’_

 **Lucas (03:39 a.m.)** : _‘or the fact, that I might like guys…’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. Kids these days would use emoji’s in their texts but I'm just too lazy to edit them in. Let's pretend that in this universe, everyone is a bit old school and went back to using the good old actual smileys :P
> 
> Also, I'm never a big fan of using a word of a different language when the story is written in English. But "chelou" is so iconic for Elu, it would've felt wrong to translate it. You feel me?
> 
> (tumblr: @skamakatvgoals)


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little warning, but Lucas tends to be quite sad in this chapter due to frustration with himself and others.

Even though Lucas had quite a lot to drink the night before he wasn’t that hangover the next morning.

Yes, he had a bit of a lay-in and didn’t get up before noon but when he got up he felt quite all right. He was able to eat something then got a shower and after that found the motivation to read through one of his essays he needed to finish before the end of the week.

Lucas wasn’t sure where all this motivation and energy came from – especially after a long night out the night before – but he wasn’t about to complain.

After spending a good amount of time on his essay and basically finishing it a few days before it was due (which was a first for Lucas9 he felt like he had earned himself a little bit of downtime on his phone.

With a glance at his phone, Lucas remembered some of last night and suddenly had a good idea why he was so motivated today. He felt like it had something to do with the person he had saved as “E.” in his contacts. A kind soul, who made him feel a lot lighter and better with himself, which apparently also helped him in all the other phases of his life.

Lucas was about to type out a ‘ _thank you_ ’ message to E. when he noticed a lot of messages from last night, he didn’t remember typing.

He let out a little laugh. ‘ _Boy, I must’ve been drunker than I thought._ ’

But his laugh quickly died in his through when he actually read the messages. Especially the last one coughed his attention and made his stomach turn.

 **Lucas (03:39 a.m.)** : _‘or the fact, that I might like guys…’_

‘ _No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!_ ’ He suddenly felt like crying. ‘ _Shit._ ’

Like the dramatic kid he knew he could be, Lucas took the pillow from the top of his bed and tried to suppress the desperate scream that was escaping his mouth. ‘ _Why do I always have to be so stupid when I’m drunk?_ ’

The frustration was getting stronger and grew inside him. He wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. At first, Lucas had been frustrated with himself and the drunken idiot he apparently had been last night, but the more he thought about it the more he felt disappointed towards E. and his reaction to Lucas’ text – or the lack therefor. Because no reaction to his message from last night said a lot more than any typed out answer could have. ‘ _Does E. really have a problem with my confession?_ ’

He wiped his hand though his hair in familiar move of frustration when he felt some wetness at the counter of his eyes.

He hated it when he felt like that. When there were just too many emotions in his body that he just couldn’t handle. He also hated the familiarity that came with all of this: the frustration of not being able to handle a situation due to too many emotions.

It wasn’t like the words from last night were an actual shock or surprised to him. He knew that he was thinking like that for quite some time now. It was just the anger towards his past self. This drunken idiot, who took it away from him to choose how to properly confess his thoughts to someone for the first time. And then of course the fact that the person he apparently choose to talk to, the person he felt like he was finally able to confess some of the confusion in his head to, just didn’t feel the need to reply. Especially because just yesterday he felt like it was thanks to this person that he started to feel lighter and happier with himself again.

Of course Lucas didn’t plan to get so serious with E. so quickly. But then again, if you’d have asked him yesterday if there was someone he felt like he could talk to about this, he probably would’ve said E.

Was the comfort he felt because of their anonymity? Maybe! But whatever the reason, it gave him the courage to talk to someone about his thoughts and feelings and wasn’t that what counted? It had been a start and might have turned into him being able to talk to even more people about stuff.

E. made Lucas feel like they understood each other on a different level.

But now it all seemed to fall apart again so quickly. The comfort he had built around this blooming friendship with E. seemed super fake and unreal only a few hours later.

The more he thought about it, that was what made him so angry about the whole situation. Even though, he definitely hadn’t planned on coming out to E. last night; not so soon and especially not like that, he still would’ve never thought that something like that could’ve pushed E. away so easily.

Yes, he knew that it wasn’t even 24 hours since he sent his text. But then again, you would think with an important and kind of sensitive topic like that you wouldn’t take forever to answer if you cared about the person.

Because Lucas had started to care about E. and had thought that they were on the same page about that. They even have told each other that it was nice to have someone to talk to so easily and freely. What has stated as a conversation with a total stranger where you wouldn’t care too much because you were not really attached to the person like you were to your friends has quickly (and some may argue too quickly) turned into a sort of friendship that he, Lucas, definitely would miss if it disappeared just like that.

Funny to think that only yesterday Lucas had started to feel lighter thanks to E. but now it was also thanks to E. that he felt like an idiot again, because once more he was the one who cared too much too quickly and easily.

‘ _What a fool you are!_ ’

*****

Why was it that Monday mornings where always paired with bad weather?

Just like last week it was once again raining when Lucas made his way towards the lecture building for his way too early Monday morning course.

On top of the too early start of the day, the bad weather and his already bad mood, Imane had texted him the night before that she wouldn’t attend the class this week due to personal reasons.

‘ _Why haven’t I just stayed in bed?_ ’ Lucas was asking himself.

Maybe it was because of this voice in his head which had told him that if he was ruining his personal life with his bad mood, maybe he should at least try and not do the same with education. He needed at least one thing to fall back to once he had pushed all his friends away. And apparently biology was that thing.

Once his lecture was over, Lucas didn’t feel like going home again. Lately he didn’t like being at the flat share. He hated being alone in his room with his wired thoughts but he also hated it when his roommates were home because he didn’t feel like having company either.

The spiral of his sad thoughts was pulling him deeper and deeper into this fog that he wasn’t able to find his way out alone but he also didn’t ask for help because he just couldn’t.

He knew his friends were worried about him. He had quite a few texts from Yann, Arthur and Basil, asking him what he did at the rest of the weekend. He also had a voice message from Manon, asking if he wanted to have dinner sometime this week but Lucas didn’t answer any of them.

If it weren’t so gut wrenching, Lucas would think it was funny how being in the wrong about a total stranger could affect him so much.

Lucas was walking around, not really knowing or thinking about where to go but also not feeling like settling down in a coffee shop or something. It had stopped raining and so he felt like the fresh air was actually kind of nice and refreshing. It helped him to turn off his brain and actually enjoyed this break for him and his thoughts.

Lucas was surprised about how easily he could blend it all out for the time being and how much it actually helped. Of course, he knew that he wasn’t getting rid of his thought and problems like that but giving himself an actual break to breathe and take a step back, made him view the situation from a different perspective and was a way to cope with the situation for now.

He wasn’t sure how long he walked around like that – it could’ve easily been just thirty minute but also several hours, Lucas couldn’t say. But when his feet found its way back to his flat on his own, Lucas felt like he was ready to come back to the “real world” with a clearer view of his situation.

This timeout was just what Lucas had needed.

*****

 **Lucas (01:34 p.m.)** : _‘Hey Yann! I know that I’ve been a bit off, lately. It’s got nothing to do with you it’s just some personal stuff that I’m dealing with right now. I know you probably want to help and I really am happy to have such a supportive best friend like you but I’m not ready to talk about it just now. It probably will take me a bit more time to figure it all out but I promise I’ll tell you as soon as I’m ready. I hope you can understand and I’m sorry if I annoyed you or the others. Please tell everyone I love them, Lucas.’_

 **Yann (01:39 p.m.)** : _‘I’m here, whenever you are ready; the others as well. Take all the time you need but know that we will always be there for you. We love and support you and will always be by your side when you need us to be. Never doubt that! Love, Yann.’_

*****

This time Lucas’ tears weren’t because of frustration but because of relief and happiness.

*****

Lucas knew that there was still a lot to figure out but it felt like a good start. He was trying to explain a little bit of what was going on. It made breathing a lot easier which helped with the nervous flutter of his heart. That as a result made sleeping a lot easier and the fact that he was feeling a lot more rested helped with sorting out his thoughts.

It was a start of fighting against his downward spiral.

*****

It was Tuesday evening, when E. finally replied.

Lucas was sitting at the kitchen table, listening to Mika and Lisa argue about the right way to cook tomato sauce, but not really taking part in the conversation.

Manon was supposed to come over for dinner any minute now and Lucas was hoping to get a few minutes alone with her to explain why he hadn’t replied to her messages yet.

When the doorbell rang Lucas quickly jumped out of the kitchen chair and got up to open the door. He was greeted with a kind smile and a quick kiss on the cheek before Manon entered into the flat.

“Hey. How are you? Long time, no see.”, she said.

Lucas was still facing the door, not feeling ready to look at her. He could hear her walking into the living room and waited for a few more seconds before following her there.

“Yes, sorry. I had quite a few busy days these last couple of weeks. Didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“Nah, it’s all right. Yann told me about it.”

At that, Lucas jerked his head towards her, so fast he was sure he did hurt a muscle in his neck. His mouth open and closed again, no sounds coming out. He wasn’t sure what to say or what he wanted to ask. ‘ _What exactly did Yann tell her? It’s not like he knew an awful lot himself._ ’

Lucas wasn’t sure how to feel about his friends apparently talking about him behind his back. ‘ _Isn’t it my place to tell them all?_ ’ he began to wonder. But then again, he wasn’t really good at talking right now but had told Yann to tell everyone that he love them. Of course the others would ask questions about him but he trusted Yann enough to know he would only talk for and about him in the best way possible.

When Lucas still hadn’t responded after a couple more minutes, Manon only gave him one of her rescuing smiles that she was so good at giving. It was basically her special super power: comforting people with her kind smile and eyes. She was just always so understanding.

There suddenly were some screams coming from the kitchen. “LISA! Don’t use too much pepper! LISA, STOP.”

Manon laughed out loud at that. “Best if we help them before they burn down the house.”, she said before getting up from the couch she had been sitting on the whole time.

It was when she was nearly out of the room that she stopped again in the doorway. Looking back at Lucas, she quietly said: “Please just don’t worry too much about what other people might think. We love you.”, before continuing her way into the kitchen like she hadn’t said anything.

Lucas looked after her, once again speechless by how this woman was able to transport so much with a few silent spoken words and eyes that that said all the unspoken rest.

Lucas could hear the moment that Manon had reached the kitchen because Micha started to scream with excitement. “Manon, when did you arrive?”

A small smile started to from on his lips and Lucas was about to get up as well to join them all in the kitchen – he felt like he should at least pretend like he was helping with dinner –  but then he noticed his phone vibrating in the pocket of his trousers.

He didn’t know why but for some reason he knew from whom the text was from even before having to take a look at the display of his phone.

 **Unknown Number (19:57 p.m.)** : _‘Dear L., I’m really sorry that it took me so long to answer you. I know what this must seem like, but it’s not why you might think. I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean to write me, at least not like that and while being drunk. So when I woke up on Sunday morning to these texts, I wasn’t sure how to response as it’s such a personal topic that one shouldn’t discuss via text. I actually contemplated calling you but then again that’s not really our thing, is it? I also wasn’t sure if in the sober daylight of the next day you would even still want me to respond or would rather we’d ignore it all. Because trust me, I know what it’s like – this shame and guilt one can feel for coming out without actually being ready. So I didn’t respond at all, which is probably the worst thing I could have done in that moment. But the longer I waited the harder it got to find words to explain why I didn’t reply. Even now I’m not sure how to explain it but I just couldn’t not answer you any longer. All I wanted to say is: I’m sorry for not answering you straight away, I’m sorry for how this might have made you feel. I know what that’s like and I know what you’re going through right now. Even though I might have ruined our friendship already I still feel like telling you that I am here for you if you want to talk. I’ve been through what you are going through right now and I wish I would’ve had someone to openly talk to about it at the time. By what you told me, I’m sure you have supportive friends who will help you as well but still I wanted you to know that I will be there as well if you still want me to be. Love, E.‘_

And wow okay that was a lot to take in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully from now on the only way is up with these two?
> 
> *****  
> I'm so sorry this chapter took me forever (has it really been over a month?) but just like Lucas I had quite a few busy weeks lately. Let's hope the next chapter will be out quicker.
> 
> (ps: say hi to me on my tumbler @skamakatvgoals!)


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